Then when I interact with this person, I try to do two things, in this order of importance: So I tell myself this, “I can only control the positive space I create around myself.” This doesn’t actually work for me because I respond better to ideas in words than visualizations. Some people might tell you to visualize a bright white light around you to maintain a positive space when other people enter it with negativity. But I’m most helpful if I don’t feed into it.” This might help you approach them with both kindness and firmness so they don’t bring you down with them. It may help to repeat this in your head when you deal with them: “I understand your pain. If you show negative people you support their choice to behave badly, you give them no real incentive to make a change (which they may actually want deep down). But that can’t completely justify bad behavior. It’s always easier to offer someone compassion if you try to understand where they’re coming from. You never know when you might be pleasantly surprised. Try coming at them with the positive mindset you wish they had. Someone prone to negativity may feel all too tempted to mirror that. When you think negative thoughts, it comes out in your body language. Even if it seems unlikely someone will wake up one day and act differently, we have to remember it is possible. It’s hard to offer someone compassion when you assume you have them pegged. When someone repeatedly drains everyone around them, how do you maintain a sense of compassion without getting sucked into their doom? And how do you act in a way that doesn’t reinforce their negativity–and maybe even helps them? People who seem chronically critical, belligerent, indignant, angry, or just plain rude. So today I started thinking about how we interact with negative or difficult people. He sounds a lot more hateful than my friend, who is, sadly, just terribly depressed.īut these people have one thing in common: boundless negative energy that ends up affecting everyone around them. She went on to describe her offensive, sexist, racist boss who emotionally exhausts everyone around him. While I believe everyone deserves compassion, I understand what she meant after reading more. I thought about this the other day when a reader wrote to me with an interesting question: “How do you offer compassion to someone who doesn’t seem to deserve it?” Even if that something is just to feel needed. I’m no saint, and if there’s one thing I know well, it’s that we only do things repeatedly if we believe there’s something in it for us. I tell myself I call because I care, but sometimes I wonder if I have ulterior motives–to pump up my ego offering good advice or even to feel better about my own reality. She never calls to see how I’m doing, and she rarely listens to what’s going on in my life for more than a minute before shifting the focus back to herself. Sometimes she focuses on the people she feels have wronged her, and other times she explores the general hopelessness of life. I love her to death, but it’s draining to talk to her.Įvery time I call this friend of mine, I know what I’m in for: a half-hour rant about everything that’s difficult, miserable, or unfair. Don't move any further with her.“Dwelling on the negative simply contributes to its power.” ~Shirley MacLaine
#Negative nancy founded how to#
I can't tell you to break up with her or how to end the relationship, but I will say that you should put the brakes on this relationship. Many report they knew they should not have married or started a relationship with their partner, but they ignored what their gut was telling them. Aafter a few sessions, they realize they are unhappy in their relationships. They have all of the symptoms of depression. Lots of men and women come to my office because they are depressed. In the end, you will be sad and miserable. Your Negative Nancy will isolate you from your family and friends because no one will want to be around her. How can you have a positive future with someone like this? Trust me, you won't. You said it yourself, your rank is not high enough, she thinks she's smarter than everyone else, etc. The truth is, she's not only a negative person but, from your report, she is also very cynical, disrespectful and she uses a lot of put-downs. I'm wondering what in the world attracted you to Negative Nancy in the first place! I mean, you have to ask yourself: Why you are in this relationship if you haven't been happy for a long time? Did you think she would change? Were you supposed to make her happy and she would become a positive person and a joy? Can I have a happy prosperous future if I commit to Negative Nancy? I can't take her pessimism and negative outlook. Something is always about to happen to keep her from having a good time. There is always something wrong with her and everyone else.
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